I am his, but he is not mine

What a heavy weight to carry

Writing pretentious poetry to ease the pain of knowing

It was never meant to be

Let us enjoy this while it lasts

“You mean a lot to me” (What does that even mean?)

Dalliance

And it was beautiful.

Whispered I love yous

Secret touches in public

Exchanged glances

We made our souls into one

But it was time to let go

Heart-wrenching

Spirit crushing

Until we cross paths again

And it was beautiful.

 

 

It makes me want to toss myself to the jackals

Let them tear me apart – the pain will be far less

Than what I am dealing with now

Being hapless in love.

/

 

 

 

 

Cultivating a new personality. What a wonder it would be to find out what I like, & what I don’t. To have something that invokes the passion within me. Develop the ability to think critically & creatively, because my brain cells have been shot to shit. (To have a day pass where I don’t want to die).

Currently, there is a nothingness that grows inside me. It eats away at my spirit, & makes my bones weary.

But today, there is a hint of – dare I say it?- hope. Is it god? Is it the meds? Whatever it might be, thanks for allowing my heart to be open to such a possibility. Even though it will probably disappear by tomorrow, I’m feeling hashtag grateful.

Captain’s Log, day (?)

I seem to have been stranded in love. No one is coming to rescue me.

There are some days when it is bearable – enjoyable, even.

Then there are the days when I want to rip my hair out at the uncertainties. 

Who knows, who knows.