I continually flipped the light switch while I sat there and waited. You said you’d turn up this time. And that we’d go somewhere nice, with wine & cheese, and poetry, and abstract arts; things that I loved. I bought a beautiful olive green dress, with a brooch to match. My hair was in an up-do, just the way you like it. We had recently agreed to put a stop to the clandestine meetings, because I felt I deserved a little more than that. We were supposed to grow. I sat there, and waited.

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I miss being with you

That’s when I’m in my element

All the mischief you’d brew

The admiration for my dissident

 

When our souls combine

It is so ethereal

My spirit unwinds

I love you for you, not the material.

i) A spectator in my own life – I’m going through one of my many interludes & I have no choice but to watch as it plays out; see where it goes, & hope there will be a favourable outcome.

ii) I opened my two-toned lips & tried to pray my body into submission but she only convulsed in anger with every word uttered.

 

We sit on the renovated balcony, decorated with bougainvilleas – your favourite. Lost in specks of brown on brown on brown glisten under your glorious eyelashes at 6:30AM. And you brush away wisps of hair from my face in the light breeze, drinking your choice liqueur. I don’t imbibe alcohol, but I love anything that you’ve touched. Your touch made me believe – love myself, even. It sends surges of lightning through my body.

Usurp the vices in me.

They circle my mind like common buzzards, waiting for me to succumb.

I consider a to make a bargain but You can’t be bought.

In fact, You’re the one who bought me at a price so what am I thinking really?

It’s ridiculous how I fear being vulnerable with You, when You know everything about me.

Mother Hen, bring me back under Your wing; I’m tired of straying from Your brood.

There are still splinters in my hands from the last time I was left to pick up the pieces

You come to kiss me on the forehead

As if you weren’t the one who shattered me

And I relinquish myself to you, again

I am bloodied and scarred

You smile and tell me I’m beautiful

With ease I’ve fallen once more

 

 

being in l*ve is a strange thing. the soft whisper of their name in your subconscious when going about your day, the gnawing sensation in your chest when you’re away from them, being enveloped in all these strong feelings… almost maddening