I am his, but he is not mine

What a heavy weight to carry

Writing pretentious poetry to ease the pain of knowing

It was never meant to be

Let us enjoy this while it lasts

“You mean a lot to me” (What does that even mean?)



And it was beautiful.

Whispered I love yous

Secret touches in public

Exchanged glances

We made our souls into one

But it was time to let go


Spirit crushing

Until we cross paths again

And it was beautiful.



It makes me want to toss myself to the jackals

Let them tear me apart – the pain will be far less

Than what I am dealing with now

Being hapless in love.






Cultivating a new personality. What a wonder it would be to find out what I like, & what I don’t. To have something that invokes the passion within me. Develop the ability to think critically & creatively, because my brain cells have been shot to shit. (To have a day pass where I don’t want to die).

Currently, there is a nothingness that grows inside me. It eats away at my spirit, & makes my bones weary.

But today, there is a hint of – dare I say it?- hope. Is it god? Is it the meds? Whatever it might be, thanks for allowing my heart to be open to such a possibility. Even though it will probably disappear by tomorrow, I’m feeling hashtag grateful.

Captain’s Log, day (?)

I seem to have been stranded in love. No one is coming to rescue me.

There are some days when it is bearable – enjoyable, even.

Then there are the days when I want to rip my hair out at the uncertainties. 

Who knows, who knows.