New Year, “New Me”, & Antidepressants.

Cheers to another year. [insert clinks of wine glasses]

I begun the new year with praising my Jesus. The best way to start anything, as a matter-of-fact.

I am so glad that 2013 has passed away. It was horrifying, & that’s an understatement.

What I hope for 2014 is to just love myself. To see myself how God sees me. To stop being so anxiety-ridden all the time. And to overcome this depression. I’m on antidepressants now, and after reading the side effects, I got a little hopeful (weight loss) & a little terrified(suicidal thoughts – which is why I got them, ironic, huh?)

This antidepressant that I’m on is called amitriptyline. I’m supposed to take it 3 times per day. So far, I really like it. It makes me numb. I don’t have much of a reaction to anything. To test it, I started thinking about the things that worry me & I felt nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. And that makes me contented. Because crying at work is not a good look. I just pray I won’t need them for a long time. The only downside to it is that it makes me sleepy. If I had to take it once per day, I’d be fine with it – I could just pop a pill before bedtime. But dozing off at work is not a good look at all. Maybe I will get used to it.

I plan on finding the purpose of my pain. To find the beauty in my scars. To embrace the Deity in my scars. To rejoice in my sufferings.  To stop allowing the devil to thwart my plans – or maybe I’m just the one who has been self-sabotaging all along? Ha. I am going to endure. 2014? Bring. It. On.

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